40 things I am glad I learnt before turning 40 :-)

I read an article somewhere about things that I wished i had learnt when i was younger ...and I came up with all the things that I have learnt /in the process of learning before I turned 40 ....here goes !

1. Failure is an option.

2. To feel comfortably different about being a little different.

3. How much my parents ,friends and family love me , and all the warnings I got came from a place of love.

4. My thoughts don’t have to dictate my life but they can shape my life.

5. Home really is where the heart is.

6. Being positive can really change my thoughts which can indeed change my life.

7. The jacket of life could be altered to suit me.

8. How to say No and not feel guilty!

9. The phrase ‘just try it’ applies to everything I do in life.

10. Not being perfect is okay

11. My thoughts actually control how I feel, and how I feel affects the way I see the world.

12. Never to settle for second best, whether it be in relationships, product choice, or employment.

13. Loving myself was a pre-requisite to truly loving others.

14. How to plan my finances better.

15. Everything I stress out about will not matter one year later.

16. My mistakes and choices define me as the person I am today.

17. Never to actively participate in gossip, it’s the black death of the soul.

18. Nobody can be changed, no matter how hard you try to change them.

19. It's Ok to be scared sometimes ,and it's Ok to sometimes just sit and cry.

20. My regrets in life stopped me from moving on. When it’s done, forget it and move on.

21. My friends have gone through their life and their experiences have changed them as have mine but they are still my friends and the friendship hasnt changed .

22. Change is inevitable, dont fight it befriend it.

23. Not to waste my time and mental energy on people who don’t matter in my life.

24. Life is a balance and I dictate the ratios.

25. It’s okay not to know everything.

26.Live in the moment, and not in the future or the past.

27. Trust myself and not lose the faith if sometimes the trust was misplaced

28. Not all people are bad, but not all people are good either.

29. What’s right for me is not necessarily right for others.

30. Responsibility can seem scary, when embraced it gives understanding acceptance and choice.

31.Spot genuine people and its Ok if I am wrong sometimes.

32. Some things have to come to an end to be able to experience new, exciting things in the future.

33. Trust my instincts .

34.The world is as big as I allow it to be.

35.I have choices, and my route may need to change but perseverance will get me through.

36. The world does not owe me any favours i need to earn what i want

37. The importance of knowing what is right for me and sticking to it even if it seems wrong to others.

38. All actions, always have a consequence.

39. My needs and desires will change over time and thats OK .

40. Doing what I want is not necessarily me being selfish.

Want....Need....Desire

So how much stuff does one need ? i have been blog rolling - searching and reading blogs on early retirement  - well most of them are not Indian -so while written in a diff culture and place(mostly american) they still provide perspective.... one of my favourites is Extreme Retirement - where he promotes the concept of extreme frugality ..not kidding -he has 1 pot ,1 pressure cooker , 1 plate,1 glass and 1 mug and  a couple of forks and spoons in his kitchen!! Everything he owns can fit into a suitcase. He moved to a 1 bedroom apartment and decluttered everything.He even advocates using a hanky when you have a cold and not use tisuses ( hankies can be washed ,while tissues need to be thrown away!) Well...he really is extreme retirement personified ! But his blog did get me thinking....he approaches retirement from a different angle . Generally we work towards a financial goal based on the question "how much money do you need to retire" and work towards that goal . His approach was "how little do you need to retire" and hence the focus on living with less .
 Not sure i want to be THAT frugal but  retiring early does pose the question of spending less and being more thoughtful in  how I spend my money....
and that got me thinking... how much stuff do we accumulate and collect and what do we really need ? What do I want /desire and what do I NEED ?
So what will retirement give me and what will it take away ??
So what will it take away ..
A FAT PAY CHEQUE - to splurge on clothes,jewellery and expensive STUFF.... perfumes, jewellery, clothes,eating out...being able to spend without really always having to think about it...and a strong sense of security ..(even tho in today's corp world its a false sense :-) !)
AN IDENTITY - a fancy title,a sense of importance (even tho it is a pretentious)...and being 'meaningful'
And what do I gain....
TIME - it gives me back 8-10 hours a day  - precious ,precious hours....to read,cook,travel,work with an NGO,consult -do interesting work that i will enjoy rather than be desk bound and wondering what 'games' are being played where...who is happy,what is my next career move??? time to tag along with my super cool friends (R & Z) when they go on their outdoor shoots :-) time to spend with my family , my parents..time to bring home a dog ...time to travel and see the hornbill festival in Nagaland,the annual sports festival in punjab,the pushkar and the kumbh mela....
SLEEP - a sound(er) sleep :-) ....not having to worry about the presentation on monday morning , the annoying colleague / boss... targets,ratings,promotions,increments.......the RAT race ...

ME - the real me , the 'without-title-corp-tag' ME....the fun ME
VIEW - who can argue with a VIEW like this :-) .......the ability to go and spend time in ranikhet and see this view everyday - that is truly priceless....and makes up for all the fat paycheques and titles ...

I know there will be compromises - but i know i will not have to compromise on the things i love - books,travel,movies . I guess I am very basic person and dont crave for the big car,latest gadget , a villa by the sea or in the mountain and the next 5 yrs and 8 months are about building the financial base that will allow me to enjoy the things i TRULY love and enjoy ..yeah the jewellery , expensive clothes,dining out may become a luxury but then can that even compare with the luxury of time,the company of family and friends ,the joys of a less stressful life,the ability to step out of the rat race ...and who can argue with a view like that...oh yes i can do without the fat pay cheque and the fancy title - give me this view , I can bet that no corner office in the world can boast of a view like this.....!!

So who will I be ?

Hi I am Apreeta - I head Staffing for Intel , South East Asia. I am Apreeta - I am a VP at Goldman Sachs, I am Apreeta - I work with GE, I am Apreeta -  I am a student at IMT .I am Apreeta - Brig Iqbal's daughter.
So who will I be -effective 1st Jan 2017 ? I am Apreeta ..... I am still my father's daughter but in the circles  i live in today that may not have enough identity, meaning. I dont have the conventional tags of wife and mother-appropriate for someone at my age :-) so if I am not working in a firm - who am I ?
Why do I not have an identity of my own -  I am Apreeta - it sounds almost naked....quick add a  cover  - the name of a big brand and a fancy title to make it meaningful ." I am Apreeta" generally  noone reacts - add the Intel/Goldman brand name and there is new found RESPECT .And  i am not saying thats a bad thing - these are fabulous firms and to be associated with them there is a sense of pride and accomplishment.i too am proud of being associated with them....but i quite like myself without these names attached as a tag line.  ( but the moment i say that  i already think i am being arrogant) the funny thing is when i say I am proud of working at Intel it doesnt sound so pompous ..but even in my own head to be proud of just being ME makes me seem arrogant...i think i am rambling but the point is to have a sense of achievement for being associated with a big brand name - well that is something ..but to be proud and happy of just being ME -well i can already hear the sniggers -whats the big deal ..to put it simply creation of a human being -an "act of biology". Really  - the effort wasnt mine was it ??
My ex boss Sanjay who quit the corporate world (currently free lances as a consultant) told me when you quit a lot of your current acquaintances /friends will no longer be around , a lot of people that you interact with today will not understand and quite a few of them that are associated with you cos of your tag line will no longer be there - its a natural pruning that will happen. Some will snigger and say -she could not make it and hence took the easy way out.And thats Ok ....its a good pruning - keeps my world light.
You know when i quit atleast for a year I want to do nothing ... not not do nothing but not do the conventional stuff - i am no pioneer in this journey - many before me have done it -Sanjay is a good eg.  A lot of people get out of the rat race and chose an easier lifestyle - they consult,work with an NGO..pursue a hobby commercially but i JUST want to read,watch films, travel ,spend a lot of time with my family,go to Ranikhet, bring home a dog,attend every party that my friends invite me for and have no tag line - not even "i work with an NGO", or " I am an HR consultant". At some stage -maybe a year down the line i will pick up some activity to keep myself busy but atleast for a year - nothing,nada,zip....and I am ready to face the world - "HI  I AM APREETA" (full stop) .

Dec 31st 2018.........

This is a simple blog... with a huge ambition ...its my journey towards an early retirement...not from life but from the big bad yet wonderful corporate world.....its my way of re-defining my life ... reclaiming it and reliving it ... so why ?
I work in a wonderful job and a great firm - i truly love what i have but then its been 16 years of a non-stop roller coaster ride - and i am not so sure i enjoy the ride as much anymore!
i still love it - but i can feel the hinges creaking....and while I still 'ooh' and 'aah' and 'yipee' as the roller coaster goes up and down -they are few and far between .
so where does/did it all begin...well i am an ordinary person with no special talent ... i am in a job i enjoy but it is not really based on any special talent - it was a combination of an education and a degree and then a lot of hard work and decisions taken over a period of time .
i did discover certain qualities about myself along the way - qualities not talent....i like working with people, i am good with numbers, i am a good thinker,project manager and i am quite focused and driven. I have done well for myself - no complaints there - financially and otherwise ...but i want to get off this roller coaster - i now want a simpler life ,an easier life without all the trappings of the corporate world.
Some of the choices i have made in life do make it easier for me to do it - no kids to put through expensive college education, healthy parents ( touchwood) with a good medical support system , lack of an expensive lifestyle (aka foreign travel,big house,expensive gizmos,a big (bigger) car) .
so what does the date 31st December 2018 signify - its the date I will finally get off the roller coaster . Why a date in the future - well if i get off the roller coaster suddenly , i will get dizzy and lose my focus. Having been on this ride for so very long i need to ease myself off it , i also need to be financially,mentally and emotionally prepared to give up a life that i have known and loved ( for the most part) for most of my adult life... and the goal oriented person that i am ,i need to set a target and then work towards it.
For the next couple of years i want to use this blog to explore and express myself as i go through this journey - it is a journey of a rebirth - death of who i am today and a rebirth of who i will be in the future. i want to write about what it will mean -in terms of my life/my lifestyle ,reactions of friends,family and colleagues and my own feelings and preparation for this new phase of ME
and last but not the least here is something i read many years ago which triggered this thought in my head  - i dont remember who said it tho - 'no man on his deathbed ever said , i wish i had spent more time at work'....